sometimes i feel as though i am lost in a sea of people
people who don't understand. people who don't know i'm there
i could yell--i could destroy things--and yet all they'd see is the fake smile plastered on my face
if only they looked into my eyes--really looked--they'd know how much this is killing me.
i wish i didn't have to tell people--it makes it too real. too hurtful.
i wish they just knew.
i feel alone. this pain seems unbearable--intolerable.
i can control my thoughts in the day--when i am conscious of my actions and when i can fuel the void--but in the midst of the night, when the pain in my heart and stomache seem overpowering, i lose control.
i lose the pride i hold in the day.
i lose the thought that i can actually move on.
i begin to think i don't want anyone else. i would have been so happy. his hands fit mine so perfectly. his hugs so calming. his voice so warm.
but i have no choice. i don't get a say in this.
i must move on.
in this sea of people--people who will never understand-- there is hope.
He gives me comfort in the night.
He gives me confidence.
confidence in a new tomorrow.
confidence that this pain will one day be no more.
confidence that this pain will one day be no more.
in this sea that is beyond endurance-- that pushes and shoves and cripples-there is a calming voice.
a sanctuary of safety.
if i truly long to cease this pain i will surrender to the One who created me.
i will give up this hope and turn to something much greater.
He is the only way.
the only way.
-KRD
(since it is our 50th blog post we had a very lovely girl write a guest post! thanks krd!)
