right now: the bad little talks

people talk. everyone. all the time. it’s inevitable. and it may be worse than i realized. 
it seems as though the circles just get smaller, the rumors get more ridiculous, and the people you thought you could trust, sometimes turn out to be the ones that disappoint you most. 
how can we know if something we say will be changed into something it’s not? 
does it have to come to the point where we become so cautious that we close ourselves off to the relationships we should be able to have & trust? 
i hate that i feel like i might need to ask these questions, or to even be thinking them. it’s disheartening.

but i seem to keep coming back to the same conclusion, which is that i don’t want to be cautious with my relationships. 
i want to continue to give people the benefit of the doubt. 
i want to be open. 
i don’t want to expect the worst from someone, to expect to be let down. 
what kind of way is that to live?

i want to love, and trust, and forgive as Jesus did. 
i want to hurt, and feel, and give myself away as Jesus did. 
isn’t that what were called to do? it’s a risk to love, and it’s a risk to trust. i know that. 
but if we aren’t willing to risk these things, to trust, then what are we doing? 
we need to be continuously and intentionally pursuing the life Jesus led. and boy oh boy is that tough.

-S

not to cure

i'm (sort of) coming to terms with the fact that in this life, there is no way to avoid heart break, pain, and deep longing. i dont know, maybe its not as dreadful as i've made it to be;  maybe it is. who am i to say, really. it breaks my heart to see ones i love overwhelmed with sadness. i place this pressure on myself to cure cure cure. no. i am not to cure, but to care. reminding myself of this daily. praying that my heart would purely c a r e for those hurting. 

sincerely, 

a shoulder, B