defeated the night

i am speechless when imagining how it would feel to be one of the women visiting tomb of Jesus, only to find that it was empty. the most significant day in all of history. three days after a sinless man was crucified  for those (us) who were sinful, he rose again. He was the innocent one who took away the sins of the world. proving physical death does not end human existence but promises that we too shall be raised to Heaven. imperfect beings receiving undeserved grace. this day is a reminder of when we became One with Him again, despite what the shelves of convenience stores say this day stands for.

broken hearted, lost, empty, curious, hurt, neglected and lonely people ran toward Jesus today with courage. the Lord had been softening the hearts of many without their knowledge in hopes that they would seek Him with reckless abandon. leaving a spirit of timidity behind, one by one people lined up to proclaim their love and commitment to follow Him. what a beautiful portrayal of dying to our old self and finding new life in Christ. 

Easter is quickly becoming my favorite holiday. honestly, i grow a deeper love for it each year. 

sincerely,
B

all we are, we are

i think we forget sometimes, as humans, that we have the power to make ourselves whoever we want to be.

we get to decide how the world sees us...
how we see ourselves

once we realize that, everything can change.

we can change.

-S

sometimes

sometimes it happens in a swift moment: in the exchange of a glance/or a thought in my mind

sometimes i don’t recognize myself anymore

...and nothing thrills me more

-S

one step forward two steps back

hey you,

i get it-adventure and opportunity seeking runs through your veins. it is lovely, believe you me. but making promises and plans with me can really mess with a girl. especially a girl who is tragically captivated by your boyish charm. 

sincerely,
B

part two

last night was good; it's what i needed

two friends

two kinds of fog

two in the morning

today feels better

today i feel okay

-S

runway not runaway

sometimes, i love something or someone so greatly it aches. the good kind of ache, of course. the kind that leaves darkness high and dry. only revealed by soft shrieks through clenched smiles. giving fear what it deserves-abandonment. it rolls away your stones, shedding light on bits and pieces.  it's pressence stirring a fondness for the little things. an adoration reminding you just how intriguing life is, and not the lackluster we've made it out to be. with it's visit (or mine, rather) comes clarity and a reminder just how precious life is. i embrace the joy this brings. 

fact you may or may not know about me: i love the airport with every bone in my body. everything about it moves and excites me.

sincerely,
B

part one

and all at once the ground below my feet was gone.

i am tired
i am sad
i am empty

and i won't try to be happy

-S

this dream is over

i could feel it when i drove up
when i got home
something changed
something felt different
i felt different

it was gonna be today

i didn't ask for it
i knew it was there

she handed it to me anyway
i looked at it and there it was
not the way i wanted it to look
not the way it was supposed to look
small, thin & disappointing
i already knew

it got passed along, person to person
until there was only silence left
the silence that comes from pity
from not knowing quite what to say
what do you say to someone who's had their dream end before it even started?

dream another dream. this dream is over.

i was going to leave
i was going to get out
i was going to leave

i guess this is what disappointment feels like
what sadness feels like
what broken feels like
what starting over feels like

dream another dream. this dream is over.

-S

you

just when the clouds had finally rolled away, you stormed in.

like the return of a tide, you swept me up-taking me with you. 

passing glances bringing out this mess you've made of me. 

with a subtle gesture of the hand and question, you had me. 

you had me under that spell-remember that thing you do. 

uninterrupted moments-my hand in yours, we drifted.

silence speaking louder than any feeble words.

the intrigue carries me through.

you're reckless abandon lurs me to let go and abandon all that is familiar. 

you are terrifying.

i want to adventure with you. 

adventure awaits for a me and a you.

but this time it all feels new. 

you-having stepped off that pedestal i placed you on, so many moons ago.

me-freedom from persuasion and self doubt.

if you choose not to see that i am wonderfully and beautifully made-its alright, i know He does. 

i am afraid of this heart o' mine.

you wander in, captivating every fiber in me. 

guiding me to a place in my soul light rarely reaches.

but i won't fall, i can't fall

i know you,

you've got one magic trick-you disappear. 

but holy canolli, you're the type of boy i want to make happy.

sincerely, 

B

We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.
— Eleanor Roosevelt

dark vs. light

the light is clarity

it is polished

it is telling

it is what is right

the dark is indulgent

it is haunting

it is delicious

it is secretive

it is truth

are you who you said you would be?

in the midst of sweepingly subtle metamorphosis?

when your integrity falls into hypocrisy, straight from the pedestal you’ve put it on?

when you’re lured into the truth that lives beyond what your lips have always spoken?

into the dark of the night we fall:

quiet, hushed sounds of our echoing irrevocable truth

the dark is the most fatal temptress

then light comes with the morning (or rather mourning), and it burns

burns truth into our skin

slowly and guiltlessly; delivering a self-reproach too heavy to carry

the light is remorseless

the dark tries to hold the secrets and truths too ashamed to surface...
but they will always finds its way to the light

are you who you said you would be?

-S

that's that

it's what i am good at.
like a habitat. its safe. 
i am good at keeping people out.
for fear of

sincerely,
B

the elegant escape

i dreamt up a consuming desire pumping through my veins to dance. dreams of gliding light as a feather, drifting across the extent of the beaten down marley floor. intoxicating every part of me. carrying me to a place only dreamt. sending chills down my spine as the music moves the very depths of my being. like stones danced around by rushing water. an autumn leaf twirling in the air midst a gusty wind. freedom. the elegant escape from dullness. the ingenious craft. dag nabbit, why did i choose the path most traveled and quit?

sincerely,
B

**note: this is merely a daydream. my days of the chance to dance have long passed me by.

this time

i feel it

it’s creeping back.. i can feel it.

that dismay and insecurity--the slow and steady loss of control

the blatant whispers that tell you to not go there--because you’ve been burned before. badly.

and the wounds of the burn ache as a reminder that they were once there.

i can’t let myself forget.

i feel the fear crawling back

stop. don’t. don’t get attached this time. don’t be stupid.

don’t be stupid.

don’t be stupid.

not this time.

-S

ten things

ten things that made me happy this week:

1. skipping my monday morning class because daylight savings sucked more on day 2

2. trying to contain my stupid little grin c/o the most ridiculous text messages

3. stumbling upon this picture-- reminding me of one of my favorite summers

4. playing the piano--and learning that i love playing the piano

5. knowing i have the friends who would come help me jump my car at midnight

6. laying on blankets in the park with my best friends

7. this sunday mornings lesson with my girls

8. writing for hours--and not noticing it's been hours

9. getting to watch my best friend fall in love for the first time

10. spending time with my awesome family

-S