I ran out with no direction. With no sense of North I ran. I ran fast and hard, my tread broke the soil beneath my feet. I ran with every intention of hearing a hallelujah in this drought. A resounding hallelujah and a breath was all I needed.
Inhale, inhale, nothing in me to exhale.
But there was no hallelujah. And there was no exhale. I crumbled to my knees, panting. I cursed—dry and cruel words looking for release as they scraped my tongue, as they searched for their maker. Yet, my ears rang silent in response & repose.
Inhale.
Inhale.
All I needed was something to tell me
to hold on. To stop running. To run back. To run home. Wherever home was. So I
looked up and I waited. Waited for my hallelujah.
It’s been so long since I’ve heard His voice, since I’ve
acknowledged His presence. I haven’t heard His voice for so long now, I’m not
sure I would even recognize it anymore. I haven't heard His voice because mine became louder. My thoughts and the thoughts of those around me drowned Him out. My worth was found in a man's touch; a gentle, deceitful touch that always left a scar. My worth was found in the approval of those who made me feel small and all too unimportant. My worth was found in the lie that anyone could love me more than the One who crafted me in His image, in His likeness.
I wouldn’t recognize His voice even if He shouted in my ear.
A drop of water slid down my cheek, this one wasn’t my own. Another drop. Now two. Three.
And just like that it began to pour and I smiled.
Exhale. Finally, a sweeping exhale and a laugh.
Hallelujah.
-S
