right now i'm subconsciously counting down the hours til i'm no longer a teenager.
right now i hate that i have to do school for two more years.
right now i wish i knew more about my Creator.
right now i wish people didn't see me for the choices & mistakes i've made.
right now i'm proud of the person i've been growing into despite those choices.
right now i'm excited to start my internship.
right now my future looks vague and i'd rather let that excite me than worry me.
right now i'm lucky to have better friends than anyone could ever dream up.
right now i think birthdays are a very funny thing we celebrate. (nineteen years of birthdays and i'm still getting the hang of it).
right now i wish i had more time before tomorrow comes.
i write this here because i want to remember where i was right before my birthday. because i want to see how much has changed in the course of the year so i can tangibly look back and appreciate the growth.
i kept secret that i enjoyed being the last to turn twenty, that i enjoy being the youngest of my friends.
i held it close as sort of my rite of passage for a lot of things.
i had more time to "catch up" so to speak. more time to get some life experiences under my belt.
i had less expectations placed on me. from myself and from others.
there's a certain freedom that comes with being the youngest. a freedom that i cling to when i'm the last to turn one year older.
and as fun and special it is to celebrate your birthday it often feels like a reminder of what you haven't done in all these years of your life.
this year i'm going to celebrate all the things i have done and all the things i have been blessed to experience. i'm going to celebrate nineteen years of growing and learning and evolving into the person i'm becoming. i'm going to celebrate the whole nineteen years, the entire picture of what's made me me. i'm going to celebrate and appreciate and love the person i am because one day of the year should be just.for.that.
so here's to twenty. be good to me.
-S
