yes. pessimist, optimist, whatever you may be, the idea of being vulnerable is troublesome, perilous and often more beneficial to avoid. we risk when we open ourselves to loving anything in any way. i believe a big part in being willing to risk is whether we are able to trust. in fact they are merely incomplete without one another. inseperable.
trust (n): a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.
maybe i'm speaking solely for myself; always believing letting people in would take much too high a risk while life could easily continue on the comfortable track. with people left and right being heart broken, hurt, confused--there was no need to get tangled in all of the sort. and yet, there's always the lingering cliche that you never fully learn except through your own experiences. but there was no way. that was too far-fetched to be true. how could this individualistic society all be led to endure the same experiences to attain these relatable ideals. after all, that is the purpose books, history, stories, music etc. are intended, right?! i'd love so much to believe that i haven't in some ways wasted so many years yearning to protect my days, to save myself from possible suffering. i'm humbly reminded by Clive himself that life is so much more than looking back one day and saying "oh boy i'm glad i never went beyond my own mind and felt vulnerable for once, missing out on opportunities to learn about myself and more importantly people!" no. oh no. so silly. i mean really, i wont let that be me. & i was actually reminded of this rather recently through an experience in which i deeply believe I could've only learned tangibly rather than vicariously by any means. but hey we all need some slack, i had to discover this whole experience thing eventually, it just came a little later in the game. i want to live my life really feeling my emotions, not looking at them in some intellectual way (as far as this mind is "intellectual" haha) i won't let my heart be locked away or distracted. by no means is this a right of passage for 'wearing my heart on my sleeve' in any case...but i suppose i am choosing to weigh relationships (in all forms) in a different light and remember not to wrap it with hobbies and earthly things. to truly feel why God created this heart in me sounds awful nice. this i believe, is what the Lord wants for my life, my heart and especially my relationship with Him. At the end of the day, this is my commitment to being vulnerable.
sincerely,
a skeptic, B
