"that's the thing about pain... it demands to be felt."
John Green
-cue eye roll-
swift flashbacks to days of weepy eyes and a hazy heart.
lost--the only word which comes to mind to define said period in time.
often i think my optimism gets the best of me.
quickly convincing myself this time it will be different.
this time i won't allow it to affect me.
unsurprisingly like clockwork, it hurts.
i feel hurt about how i ended up here.
wishing i did not have to think about the choices i create.
how life dealt me these cards. rather, i dealt myself this deck.
hurt about why i feel this insane pressure to present a polished self, "come back when you are flawless"
wait, don't all these people know more than the lost that He has called us to come to Him broken.
no. it must be my flawed perception and deficiency.
broken.
maybe that's a name for this feel.
the kind that lingers and regrets to inform you of it's whereabouts.
that kind of knot in your stomach almost as twisted as the lies whispering "unworthy."
then the time comes to pick up the pieces, the taste all too familiar.
and regrettably new.
i'm slowly beginning to understand, "pain...demands to be felt."
everyone, always running after happiness; as if it were this state you would reach and stay.
sometimes i can't take it.
i want to thrive for wholeness.
there is no way to avoid pain, and that is OK.
it is betterment for us as human beings.
sincerely,
B
