one is freeing
one is challenging
one is patient
one is forgiving
one is an adventure to be had
i'm excited to be alone. to live life on my own. to grow up and experience all the world has to offer. alone.
there's something to be said about the fearfully beautiful realization that i have no idea what life a year, 2 years, or 5 years from now will look like. no idea what i'll be doing, where i'll be doing that something, who i'll be with, or who i'll even be myself. the fact that when i think about the future, all i see is a big question mark--i love that.
i love that even though i am so naturally--in every aspect i can get my hands on--am a control freak...and yet that question mark that hangs over my future, makes my heart dance. i have a whole life still to be dreamt up.
so many people to meet; people who will break my heart, and i theirs. people who will make some dreams come true, and people who will end some dreams. people who will make me feel at home, and people who will love me for the person Christ has created me to be through the life i have gotten to experience, alone.
i get to grow up alone. i get to make mistakes that lie on my own shoulders and mine only. i get to disappoint myself, and learn to not do that again. independence is kind of forgiving and patient in that way, yet challenging. it grows you.
i feel as though these days, at least in the society i surround myself with, everyone is saying "hurry! go find your soul mate now! wow, you're 20 and aren't in a serious relationship? you better get to it then!" or something like that..as if that's the equivalence to success and happiness. like this stage of curiosity, changing, becoming, is just, 'in the meantime'.
sadly the journey is often over-looked for the final destination; rather than appreciated and fervently embraced and admired for the beauty that uncovers itself slowly and magnificently with each new experience.
finding your forever is an incredible thing, but so is finding yourself.
that season of life--the "one day we, not i, will"--will be beautiful.
but this season of life--this season of my becoming--is already beautiful.
-S
"it's all a matter of paying attention, being awake in the present moment, and not expecting a huge payoff. the magic in this world seems to work in whispers and small kindness." -charles de lint
