i didn't mean, when do you think you look most beautiful?
because looks had nothing to do with it.
i rarely think it does, really.
i asked them this question and i had to better explain what i meant. i mean it's not something you really ever think about--i think because the feeling is so fleeting.
B answered, "when i'm exploring, or doing something outdoors.. when i'm active and i use my body for all it's worth."
i loved that-- when i use my body for all its worth.. it's crazy that we have these complicated bodies that are capable of such incredible things. when i think of all the things i can do, the obvious things--jump, walk, smile.. those things are huge. those things are a blessing we are given. they are nothing short of a gift. using your body to do those things we've been blessed with. yourself at your most natural sense of being--that is beauty.
R said, "when i share eye contact with someone-- it's a connection with another person on different level, it just means more."
her feeling was so spot on. looking at someone in the eyes, that connection is so different than any other. it's like a tangible understanding of one another, both your presence known, a window to your thoughts opened. eyes are so telling and hold so much knowledge--that is beauty.
when i had my own question turned on me i said,
"1. when i'm telling a story and can make people laugh
2. when someone looks at me and we both smile...like a big, stupid, can't-keep-my-face-from-taking-over-my-whole-face kind of smile.
3. right after i've cried."
i’ve been trying to notice and recognize the feeling of the difference between the moments of when i feel pretty and when i feel beautiful. and it’s so blatantly obvious once you start to tell them apart. and any explanation i try to come up with, never quite makes perfect sense. it’s only in the moment when i can feel the difference, is when it makes perfect sense to me.
there’s this commonality in what i thought of as my moments of feeling most beautiful, and it
seems like it comes hand in hand with when i’m most vulnerable. which is also
the emotional state of being i’m most afraid of.
when i’m susceptible to embarrassment, when i’ve let someone in just
enough for them to get a better grasp on the mystery i like to keep myself,
when something has made me cry and feel weak.
all these things are what make me feel most beautiful, but also what i try my best to avoid.
i avoid them for fear of letting people in, letting people really know me. because when they really get to know me, then they will make the choice whether or not i'm enough. enough to keep them around, enough to entertain everyone.
sometimes i feel like that's all i'm good for. like people only want me around if i'm going to be making jokes and being the same way all.the.time.
and for some reason i just don't feel like enough. even when i know not to believe that devil inside my head.
the more i think about it, the more i realize how much my own thoughts of myself are what can ruin a person like me.
all i have to do is turn them off--all the things i dislike and wish i could change.
because those things, are exactly what makes me feel most beautiful, most like myself, most happy.
that is b e a u t y
-S
all these things are what make me feel most beautiful, but also what i try my best to avoid.
i avoid them for fear of letting people in, letting people really know me. because when they really get to know me, then they will make the choice whether or not i'm enough. enough to keep them around, enough to entertain everyone.
sometimes i feel like that's all i'm good for. like people only want me around if i'm going to be making jokes and being the same way all.the.time.
and for some reason i just don't feel like enough. even when i know not to believe that devil inside my head.
the more i think about it, the more i realize how much my own thoughts of myself are what can ruin a person like me.
all i have to do is turn them off--all the things i dislike and wish i could change.
because those things, are exactly what makes me feel most beautiful, most like myself, most happy.
that is b e a u t y
-S
