some destroy each other

absorbed were the moments of two diverging paths. 
his time ever so sweet, but brief. 
while he wore no watch, many notified her of the way he told time. 
but she seldom had any room in her heart for outward perception.
his image untainted, she forsook comfort to seek his best.
before his calculated absence was spotted, 
it dawned as sure as a new day. 
for he and she couldn’t be a them. 
some folks you see, destroy each other.
the destroy that haunts closely, fooled for a shadow. 
it begs the surrender of more with just a beckon. 
perhaps different, were it for circumstance. 
but silence spoke louder 
& he told time just as they said.
but her bags were packed long before the line went dead.

B

*scribbled on January 23

“You are beautiful because you let yourself feel, and that is a brave thing indeed.”

Shinji Moon 

what i'm listening to

currently adoring these sweet English sissies and their enchanting gifts.



i want to see the colours of a different sky

B

i went to the sea.
the full moon illuminated the beach.
it's brilliance boasted of its maker.
a silent wind whispered past speaking of utter peace, collecting wisps of hair resting on cheek bones.
with it took my breath away. and any decided thought paved by time apart.
and for a moment, i wished you could have seen it too.

"i made a promise such a long time ago that i would take in experiences-- all of them, 

so i could tell the people about them and maybe save them, but it gets so tiring.

i try to take in all the experiences for everybody, letting anyone say anything to me. 

and i realized i'm not different. i want what everyone wants. i want all the things.

i just want to be happy."

-girls, hbo

"don't ever tell anybody anything. if you do, you start missing everybody." - j.d. salinger

where i find you

i don’t recognize myself

tinted green of jealousy and physical ailment from my selfishness and inability to simply be happy for others
self-loathing so strong my body aches in rejection

i’m often struggling to feel happy at all

where i lack happiness, i lack in compassion and a listening ear

my saving grace has been reliance on the one who has grace enough to save a wreck like me

and a wreck like me really needs saving quite often these days

and out of His grace I find myself no longer wondering, “why is this happening?” instead i ask Him, “what are you trying to teach me with this? what can i learn here?”

i find myself on my knees all of the time. praying for a sign, for an answer, for something

calling out to God for something i can understand

for something that makes sense

for something i can reason with

but reason to me is not reason to Him

this holiday season was of particular difficulty.

overrun by things of least importance, the hustle and bustle and neglect of what really matters, i find myself wishing i could turn back time and do it all over again.

recreate the memories now engrained in time

make new the things i know i can’t change as much i wish i could

but again, i ask “what are you trying to teach me, God?”

i will wait in silence. with any shred of obedience and patience i can find within myself, and where i fail, i will lean on His unending grace with steadfast hope.

for a foolish sinner that is me, i have a God who perfects unconditional love.

-S